I’m going into the summer exactly the same way I went into the last—moving back home to the parents, hung up on somebody I’ve only just started to see, with my greatest accomplishment to date being the massive amount of debt I’ve (somehow) managed to accrue.
I don’t know that I ever had phenomenally elaborate dreams, but I always told myself I wouldn’t just be someone else working a job just to survive. That I’d take advantage of the opportunities my parents worked so hard to provide for me. That I’d be smart enough to make decisions for myself, and for my future. That I wouldn’t succumb to a life of poor choices, the kind of life I’d seen all too many people slip into.
Awhile back, I signed up for a service that emails me daily my Facebook and Twitter updates from exactly one year previous. The results have been illuminating. Aside from a few subtle differences—a few names changing as friends shifted in and out of my social circle, for instance—I am, as I suggested before, living the same life.
Actually, that’s not entirely true. Last year, I was a student. For a variety of reasons, my academic career has come to a screeching halt, leaving me one of many in Manhattan with an overworked credit card and no career path to speak of.
But here’s the thing: I don’t regret most of it. Sure, some days I wonder how I ended up where I am now, with no discernible future in front of me…but other days, I find that exciting. I was put on a college-bound track from an early age, always working towards a future that seemed simultaneously abstract and unavoidable. I knew I’d graduate high school, go to university, and end up in a successful career. Even if the details of that life escaped me, I knew it was going to happen. Torn from that path, I’ve spent the last year rediscovering who I was, affirming certain aspects of myself that I hadn’t really allowed myself to explore. The future is unknown, and I’m anxious to see where that leads me.
My name is Shane. I’m twenty-four, living in New York City (aside from, of course, the occasional residential hiccup, such as this summer’s escape to Pennsylvania). I’m a serial server in the restaurant industry and I drink red wine as if it actually was the blood of Christ.
I named this blog “Aimless in the Apple” because of how accurate it was to my life. I may not have any idea where I’m going in life, but I do know that I’ll find out in New York City, and that’s enough for me. The name was, of course, also inspired loosely by the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan romantic comedy “Sleepless in Seattle”, a film that I have never once seen. Maybe I’ll watch it some day.
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